The good news is that the court house is opposite St. Edwards Catholic Church and I am able to go and visit Christ in the Tabernacle. I was able to spend an hour with Our Lord at midday which was so beautiful. Part of my prayer to Our Lord was that I would be able to separate my biases and my prejudices about the case and listen with the ears that I need to to be able to be a good deliberator, if I am not chosen as the alternative juror.
I have taken notes in order to keep my mind clear and focused on the evidence and not on my own bias and prejudice.
It many ways, this is similar to discussions on abortion. We all come to the problem of abortion with our own prejudice and bias. I have recently been accused of being myopic and not understanding the whole picture.
I DO understand the whole picture of abortion, though. I do remember the feelings of horror and shame when I found out I was pregnant. I remember feeling absolutely awful physically and trying to figure out what to "do" about telling my parents I was pregnant.
I remember going to the doctor and having prenatal exams. I remember telling him that a friend of mine told me he could score some pills that would get rid of the baby. The doctor asked me if I wanted to kill myself in the process to which I replied, no. He told me that the pills might very well end up doing that. So, I told my friend, thanks but no thanks.
I talked to another friend about traveling to her state and having the baby at an unwed mother's home.
I remember thinking about giving my baby up for adoption - he was due at the beginning of the fall quarter of school. I thought that my baby would make a couple happy and I could go on with my schooling.
I remember having pills from the doctor to help me with my morning sickness. They were expensive, so I would only take them on the mornings that I had an early class. On the other mornings, I simply endured being nauseated and barfing my brains out.
I remember the doctor telling me I needed to drink lots of milk so that my baby would be healthy. A friend ripped off a milk truck and brought me a flat of those small milk cartons that are served for school lunches. I drank that milk with the help of my sister and my other two roommates - we were grateful, young and broke as only college students are.
I do know what it is like to be young, pregnant and scared.
I also know what it is like to be a young, scared girl who undergoes an abortion.
That was the "solution" for my pregnancy. It was not my idea, but that does not matter at this point in my life.
What matters is that, just as I must contribute to the jury case that I am on NOT ON FEELINGS but on evidence, I must also understand that the feelings about how one feels when they are pregnant does not alter the fact that a woman who is pregnant is with child.
She does feel lousy, she does not feel good at all - she may be in a situation where she cannot face telling her loved ones that she is pregnant. She may feel that her solution to her pregnancy is an abortion. She may feel that she HAS to have an abortion.
But if she looks calmly at the facts of her situation, and is honest, she will realize that she is WITH CHILD and she does not need to kill her baby. There is always tomorrow and there is always a way of dealing with an unplanned pregnancy.
As Sargeant Friday used to say "Just the facts, Ma'am."
America - we CAN do better!