Thirty nine years ago

My abortion occurred 39 years ago at the end of this month. It was a horrible couple of days for me and deadly for the baby within my womb - and for all the world, I wish my abortion had never happened. 

I kept silent about the death of Matthew Dean for over two decades. Then slowly, slowly I began to understand that the child that I miscarried in September of 1969 and the child that was aborted in April 1970 were both children, babies, made in the image and likeness of God. I mourned the deaths of Michelle Ariana and of Matthew Dean, as mothers do mourn the deaths of their children. There is a difference, though, in my mourning. The death of Michelle was unexplained and "natural". The death of Matthew was deliberate and unnatural. I miss both of my children.

I have received much condemnation from pro-choice people for my speaking out against my abortion. I have been mocked, derided and shunned for my participation in pro-life activities. I have been told that I should "move on" and "get over" it. I have been told that I am emotionally injuring myself by working to put an end to abortion. That I am not healthy and that I damage all of those around me by my pro-life activities.

Truth is, I don't know of any mother of a dead child that gets over their child's death, whether it be from a miscarriage, abortion or death after birth. Mothers don't just "get over" the deaths of their children. We heal and continue to heal from the trauma of the death, but most women who are post abortive are further shut down by the pro-choice people telling them to be quiet.

Why? 

My theory is that the pro-choice people do not care to think about abortion - it is not that they do not know that abortion kills an innocent child, it is that they just don't want to hear it. They want to believe in the ideology of "choice" and "rights of a woman".  They are uncomfortable when a woman who has had an abortion says "my abortion injured me, it was wrong" because the truth is uncomfortable.

BUT - they cannot take away the millions of women and men who are saying this. No one can take away the fact that my abortion killed my child. They can mock me for saying that, they can wish that I would shut up, they can threaten to put me in jail for holding a sign that says "I REGRET MY ABORTION" and for giving speeches. I have been filmed by the Washington State Patrol for assembling peacefully at the March for Life Rally in Olympia, Washington. I am on file somewhere and my crime? Speaking the truth.

The pro-choice thinkers cannot stop me from regretting my abortion.

I ask all of my readers to pray for those who do not understand what it is like to be the mother of a dead baby whose life was cut short without any reason.

I also ask my readers to pray for those who have shown me compassion, who have listened to my story without condemnation and without prejudice...but simply understood that my grief over my abortion 39 years ago is real, is the grief of a mother who lost a child to a horrific procedure. 

I have had pro-life people hug me after hearing that I lost a child to abortion - I have had mocking sneers and jeers from the pro-choice people - and even threats for speaking out.

The loss of the "rights" of a woman to chose to kill her offspring is very threatening to the pro-choice people - the loss of their ideology is nearly paralyzing and it is imperative to the pro-choice people to kill the messenger...but they cannot, for we are over fifty million women strong - and men, the fathers of the aborted babies are now coming out and saying "it was wrong". 

Today for Matthew Dean killed by an abortion 39 years ago April 24th, I speak out. I can do no other.